It's amazing what a little sunshine can do. I don't think I've ever returned from a vacation before feeling so rejuvenated. Maybe it's the contrast between What I Do at Work and What I Do When I'm Not There that did it. In previous years, in previous jobs, the line between Work and Social Life was far more blurred. I worked with friends I knew socially. I drank with the people I served. I spent my off-hours, too often, sitting at the same bar I tended.
Now? There couldn't be a bigger difference between Work and Not Work. This is a hospital! And this is me on the beach, in the sunshine, in the moonlight, with the only sound being that of the Gulf of Mexico lapping at my toes. No confusion there. Yes, I spend social time with some of my coworkers, but... the change in atmosphere between Work and Social Time is so obvious that it makes each of the experiences more intense, more fulfilling.
Whatever the case may be, I got off that plane in MKE on Wednesday and felt fulfilled. None of those, "oh, shit, here we go again," back-to-reality doldrums. I made an executive decision to continue my vacation state of mind for as long as possible, and so far? It's working! Spring is here, along with its bipolar weather patterns (this snow today can, however, admittedly, suck it), and I'm reveling in the simple joys of housework and motherhood. Madi got her hair cut yesterday, a ritual that only accentuates this happy sense of renewal. I painted my fingernails with pink sparkly nail polish I'd purchased for her at the salon while she sat in the chair, smiling at the growing mound of brown and pink hair on the floor.
I'm not sure what's going on here, but I feel like I'm on the cusp of something big. I'm truly happy with where I am in life, and closer to the people I'm sharing it with. My relationships are more sincere and more honest than they've ever been. Suddenly, it seems there is no proverbial other shoe to drop. Life happens, shit will happen, I know. But it's such a powerful realization, to recognize exactly how much in love I am with my life, with the people in it, with what I do to help sustain those people, with what they do to help sustain me. The future is on my doorstep, and there's no more grasping at thin air to try to catch it, pin it down, secure it, prevent it from somehow escaping.
The Future is now, it's already happening, and it's just me, my family, a pair of ridiculously huge leopard-print Jackie O sunglasses, and this stupid smile on my face that secretly loves the waiting, the mystery of What Will Happen Next, the security of knowing it's within my own power to help create it.