My mom just forwarded me one of those funny emails meant to lighten up your day, and while most people roll their eyes at that kind of thing, I actually like it. DORK. What can I say?
I couldn't help but share the following highlights (Brian, you're gonna love this):
"Twenty Eight Reasons Why English Teachers Die Young:
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays.
"5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
"6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
"13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease."
I hate it when that happens!
"14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
Uh, yeah. Stick to the math, Ralphie. (By the way, I did actually work on that problem. See: Obsessive-Compulsive. So sad).
"24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools."
And my personal favorite, the pick-up line I'll be using on Greg for the next month:
"17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River."
"...AND SHE WAS THE EAST RIVER"! THAT'S HILARIOUS! ARE YOU LAUGHING? LAUGH! IT'S FUNNY! HA! HAHA! HA! ...haha.... ...ha... Oh my. I need help.
Note -
Reason You Will Not Sue Me, You Who Wrote the Original List:
See weblog author for source of quoted material.
HA! Take THAT!
Humph.