thorvalson.net : babble ether

Welcome to My World... Part One of a Series

For weeks now, I've been threatening to have Solomon's balls cut off. For those of you who haven't met Solomon, here he is modeling the newest installation of the Mad Gems jewelry line, nestled up to perhaps the only warm object in this house that won't either smack him for getting into the garbage or cause him death by extreme affection.

He is ten months old now, and rapidly approaching the Official End of Kittenhood, at which time he will suddenly realize that his species is not, in fact, 100% domesticated, and commence leaving gifts of pizzo and shizzo all up in my hizzo. Not. Cool. Also, he will be having his front claws removed. For all of you who protest this measure, let me state clearly here that my Actual Child is more important to me than my Feline Child - yes, I do love her more and everyone in this house is aware of it - and because of this, I will have his front claws removed before he joins the Pixies cult this household already is and starts dicing up eyeballs, ah-ha-ha-ho. Not to mention, his impending demasculation is way fun as a threat whenever he's acting, well, feline: "Keep it up, big guy! Yer gettin' yer balls chopped off!"
So over the last week, in the interests of responsible parenting and of preventing sudden shock for my daughter, I have slowly, in snippets here and there, been trying to explain the concept of feline birth control.

"Why?"
"Because Bob Barker wants us to. Hungry?"

Two days ago, on our merry little way to Target ("It's 'TAR-GET,' Mom. Stop saying, 'Tar-ZHAY") today, I explained as best I could the essential business of neutering to a four-year-old who doesn't know the ins and outs (pun intended) of mating. Read: Formal Introduction of the Word "Testicles."

Today, on our second visit to TarZHAY this week (thank you, state and federal governments!), Maddie asked me, "Mommy? Will it hurt when they cut off Solomon's tentacles?"

a) No. Because Solomon doesn't have tentacles.
b) He does have testicles, temporarily, and no, it will not hurt when they hack them off.
c) Since when does my daughter know about testicles?!

Oh yeah. Since I told her about them.

Next week: The Universe in a Nutshell.

Posted by stephanie at April 28, 2005 04:31 PM