In a surprise act of humble generosity, the father of a 4-year-old in Milwaukee, WI, took a day off on a Friday, thereby enabling the mother of said 4-year-old to sleep in and enjoy her morning coffee without the usual pre-wakefulness morning exorcism.
Follow-up letter to whom it may concern:
Maddie, I love you. But girl, you need to work on your bedside manner. Wrapping your little fingers around the edge of my heaven-sent featherbed mattress topper with vice-like grip, and then proceeding to SHAKE my bed down as though ancient golden coins from the lost city of Atlantis will spill from below it if you just SHAKE it hard enough, all the while making these horrific primal sounds taken straight from The Apocalypse: The Soundtrack as demon bats from Hell come flying, screeching, out of your gaping mouth on a Mission From Satan to Annoy the Shit Out of Me As Early As Humanly Possible, does not a pleasant wake-up portend.
That said... I forward heartfelt thanks to you, from all the innocent lives you've saved this morning by allowing me to sleep in on this, the first day of my period: the lady at the bank, the neighbors across the street who overdose at least twice a month and subsequently require paramedics and half the fire department to come screaming down the street at all hours with lights blaring and sirens wailing and loud engines parked right outside my bedroom window, and most of all, Greg, who has been spared the morning ritual of putting away the half-eaten jar of peanut butter you so love to consume against my wishes in the wee hours pre-Shakedown Wake-Up Call From Satan, and who, as my partner, is the most frequently terrorized victim of my RedWeek emotional hysteria.
Celebrating Your Highness,
Humbly At Your Service,
With Love and Blow-Kisses,
Mom
Posted by stephanie at August 19, 2005 12:13 PM