Well, I guess it's time I get off my ass (or rather, get on it) and post something here. I've been a bit uninspired in terms of my blog, existential dilemmas and whathaveyou ("Why?" "Does anything I say matter?" "Isn't it a bit self-righteous to assume by having a blog that anyone gives a rambling river of rocks?") (have no idea where that last one came from, sorry). Also, I've been wanting to update the site - strip it down to a bare bones style, add some color - and was not planning on posting until that could be done. TA-DA! Finished product!
Nope. Not even close.
So much has been new in our world that I literally don't have the time anymore to post a whole lot, and it seems daunting to try to catch everyone up on everything... and here I am, apologizing for something that is supposed to be a creative outlet for me - no strings attached - instead of just openly sharing.
I haven't had much use for words lately. Action seems to be playing a larger role in my little corner of the world, and I almost feel a bit sick even posting at all anymore. Unless I have something truly big to share, what's the point? And when I do have an ah-HA! moment or some such revelation, I tend to keep it to myself. Some may think this is selfish; I like to think it humble.
Trying to read more... just finished _The Five Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me_, which was lent to us by an actual millionaire and therefore is more trustworthy in my book. Greg and I are applying its wisdom to our finances, and WHO KNOWS! Maybe we'll have some security after all. Trying certainly couldn't hurt.
Am now starting _What Kids Really Want that Money Can't Buy_, by Betsy Taylor. Guess I'm in a self-help kind of mood these days (God knows I need all the help I can get). Have been feeling pissed off and disillusioned about the state of our country and its culture and am trying to improve the quality of life for those brave souls who have chosen (Greg) or not chosen (Maddie) to live their lives with the likes of me.
Greg's working on some new music for a band with his best friend, Jeff. I am truly blown away by his talent and am nearly constantly nipping at his heels to allow me to play in the band with him, much to his annoyance. We had a friend over for dinner the other night, and he advised me to "lay off that shit" a bit. Well spoken, friend. When it comes down to it, I'd probably be more comfortable in the audience, anyway. It's the idea of wanting to share in Greg's effort that appeals to me (also, the idea of us creating together) more than any spotlight. The three of us (Greg, myself, and our friend Rex) played together for a while in our new rehearsal studio in the basement, and if our basement is as far as I ever get in performing music, that's fine by me. As long as I'm playing, learning, and enjoying myself. That's the whole point, right? Right. All this, "I want to be in your band!" stuff is more about ego (trying to be a crooner when, I'm sorry, but this voice was made for spittin' and growling), insecurity (whaddya mean you wanna do something awesome WITHOUT ME?!), and kicking myself in the pants for not doing something my damn self with music when I had the opportunity. Woe is me, the lamenting of lost youth...
Point being, I've been pretty whiny considering that I should be GRATEFUL as hell that I am living with such a talented human being, an EXPERIENCED musician, who not only gives me the time of day, but sincerely wants me to play with him. Everyone wants their little moment in the sunshine. I just need to accept the fact that my moment will most likely never be on a stage with him. And that's okay. 'Cause I'm a way better speller.
To each his own, according to what he is due. I haven't earned my chops in that category yet, so... back to the basement it is.
Posted by stephanie at February 22, 2006 08:30 AM