Having a rough morning, which is sad to say, considering I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Alright, I just re-read that sentence and it should read, "makes complete sense considering..." Let's try again.
Last night was great - had Tracey over for girly drinks, and why don't I take pictures of these things? Dammit! Sat on the front porch for five hours blabbing and drinking vodka (slowy! I was a good girl!) out of colored plastic margarita glasses rimmed with fruit-flavored, Red No. 9-colored sugar. Good times.
It blows me away sometimes how long we've known each other, and through countless circumstances, etc., but at the same time, I can't imagine there ever being a time in my life in which we don't sit on each other's porches and drink and talk about our days.
She's convinced me to come with her to a modern dance class on Monday - an intermediate course, which I DO NOT think I qualify for, considering, a) I haven't danced (aside from one ballet class four years ago that I hardly went to) in 12 years, and b) none of my dance experience included modern. She seems to think I'll be able to catch on really quickly, to which I respond with a hearty, Oh, to have your optimism, but it's Tracey we're talking about and when she asks me to do something with her - sans kids! - I just can't say no. It's not like she asked me to do acid with her again.
In other news, our neighborhood has been under police supervision for the last three days following this mess. His house is about four houses down from ours, and the entire block was taped off when Maddie and I came home from Tracey's house on Thursday afternoon. Long story short, the only way I could figure out what was going on (the police weren't telling me anything) was to turn on the 5 o'clock news, which I knew would provide details as there were three local news affiliates' vans parked around the block. The television is now situated in Maddie's room, which means she was watching with me when they announced, "A police officer accused of homicide has taken his own life in his south side residence."
Launch 20 Questions: What does that mean, Mommy? If he's a police officer did he have a gun? Did he use his gun to hurt himself? Why would someone do that? Who else would do that? Would you do that?
Needless to say, it was a long discussion. "And no, Maddie, I would never do that. Because I love you, and I love Greg - 'And Grandma!' - yes and Grandma, and Aunt Tracey and lots of other people and when someone does that to themselves it hurts their loved ones more than it hurts them and I could never do that to you."
"I tell you I love you lots of times in case you die."
"Maddie, I am not going to die until YOU are an old, old lady. I will be around so long you'll wish I wasn't."
"Will 'I love you' be in your heart still?"
"Yes. Always."
"What if your heart breaks?"
Kid, if you keep asking me questions like that, my heart is going to break right now.
There's still a squad car parked in front of the guy's house down the street, presumably to guard it. I haven't slept through the night since Thursday night. Nightmares, everyone I know who's ever committed suicide or seriously considered it. Greg's been stressed as hell for like a week and we haven't had much opportunity for "quality time,", and now the work week is in full swing, so I'm on the Hang Tight Until Sunday and You'll Get it Straightened Out path. Not that there's anything to be straightened out. He's just stressed and needs some alone time, and we're both feeling depressed because people in this world sometimes kill themselves, not to mention, each other.
Posted by stephanie at June 1, 2006 10:21 AM