thorvalson.net : babble ether

"'And now,' cried Max, 'let the wild rumpus start!'"

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Do not be fooled by the creatures in the above photograph. Seemingly sweet and innocent, they are ferocious beasts that will tear limb from limb any psychology you learned back in 101. The care of these creatures requires a minimum of a Master's degree in Child Psychiatry, five years experience in the handling of said creatures, not to mention, reserves of patience normally impossible for the average human. Rope, duct tape, and a hammer and nails may also be helpful.

Dear God, who is this horrific beast and what have you done with my daughter. Madilyn Rae, as she has solely been monickered for the last three days, has decided that along with a vacation from school for the summer, she will also be on hiatus from manners. SHE HAS NOT LISTENED TO A GODDAMN THING I'VE SAID TO HER IN THREE DAYS. This infection of sorts has proven contagious, as she spread her evil monster germs to her best friend, Juliana, which may be my own fault for emphasizing prior to Juli's arrival that Maddie needs to share. Touche.

Last night was the first sleepover we've had at Aunt Stephy's house in .... Well, the last Gessner that spent the night with me was Ava, and she was still a sweet and innocent somethingmonth-old and incapable of disobedience, cute and cuddly and all baby fat and smiles. Which is not to say that Juliana was disobedient, per se. She actually followed the rules better than Maddie did, only stepping out of bounds to follow her friend, whom she was only trying to protect from The Wrath. I think it's the same philosophy that soldiers in war follow: Stick Together No Matter What. So I give her a lot of credit there. And once I had repeated myself in any request, she would take me seriously enough to do what I asked.
Madilyn, on the other hand, was more like, "Juli! Do you hear that buzzing? What is that noise? Hm. Oh well."

IT'S YOUR MOTHER, ASKING YOU FOR THE TWELFTH TIME TO PICK UP YOUR SHIT BEFORE I FEED IT TO THE DOG. IT'S ME, ASKING YOU TO LISTEN TO THE SENTENCE I AM SPEAKING WITHOUT INTERRUPTING ME WITH YOUR DINNER REQUEST.

And now, it's me, telling you that if you do not clean up after yourselves, stop jumping from the bed onto the beanbag on the floor/your friend's head, dumping popcorn on the floor for the dog to clean up - yes, the dog - IGNORE HER - whom, by the way, you are also driving into madness - I am going to send Juli home to face the Wrath of Her Father (which I have seen and, oh, the humanity), and YOU, Madilyn Rae, are being shipped via crate stamped HAZARDOUS MATERIALS to the nearest deserted island, which is probably only Washington Island up north and you'd actually love it but when I come up with a better punishment OH HOW YOU WILL QUIVER.

It wasn't that bad. Really. I just started out on a bad foot by cleaning the house all day long (hello, five year olds! GOODBYE, CLEANLINESS!) and having an untrained puppy. Ada did a pretty good job of ignoring the girls, but this was only accomplished by having their bedroom door shut much of the time (hence, the beanbag-jumping). I swear, they truly believe that out of sight = out of mind, and sweet Jesus dying on the cross do they have another thing coming. I found that the most effective means of control was to repeat, "I can hear you," in one-minute intervals from the kitchen where I was washing dishes. Even then, the rumpus continued, only quieter.

Silence. Whispers. Giggle. And then, the dreadful epiphany:

They are just like us.

Posted by stephanie at June 22, 2006 08:49 AM