thorvalson.net : babble ether

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

News flash: Raising a child that is not your own can be difficult, especially when said child is 5 (AND A HALF. TODAY, as she is reminding me at this moment) years old. Greg and I have been trying to work together more on getting Maddie to recognize that the earth does not revolve around a 4-foot tall axis who apparently knows everything already and doesn't need further guidance. She's not that bad, really, but could definitely use some work in the manners department. Lately, "please" and "may I" and "thank you" have been replaced by I See, I Want, I NEED, NOW, GIVE IT TO ME.

It's really hard to work on this kind of stuff considering that Maddie's time is split down the middle between two parents who don't communicate. Damn near impossible, now that I read that last sentence. Because his time with Maddie is limited, her dad often tries to fill that time with fun, Maddie-centric activities, i.e., having friends over, going to the park, etc. Which is a good release for her, and she needs that social time. But... things like discipline and cleaning her room tend to fall to the wayside. Who wants to spend the only two hours they have with their child that day enforcing chores? Nobody. And I get that.

On our side of the Great Divide, it's hard enough sometimes trying to figure things out between the two of us, even aside from Maddie's dad. Greg and I came from nearly polar opposite upbringings, and trying to find some peace in the middle can be hard. I was fairly spoiled as a kid, with one parent caving in and giving me the popsicle already while the other one was out on the driveway having a beer. All in all, I turned out alright, I think. Greg's experience was far more strict, and he turned out fabulous, in spite of certain extreme circumstances. Neither of us is for corporal punishment, and we agree on a lot of things about child rearing. But, as in any living situation, everyone has things that drive them absolutely crazy about the other people in the house, behaviors they absolutely cannot stand, and those are the things we need to work on. Namely, Maddie's manners.

I need to be a little more determined in setting limits to the kind of attention she receives, and her dad needs to be a little more strict in enforcing rules. Then hopefully, Greg, who has been magically plopped into a position of Mediator here at Ground Zero, can have some peace. I cave when tired, and her dad is 31 going on 15. He just wants to play. Maddie is the youngest grandchild within driving distance for fifteen individual grandparental figures, and once any of them get their hands on her, it's Cookies! and Of Course I'll Carry You! and Have More Cake! and Did You Get My Birthday Card? and Let's Talk About Jesus While You're Mom's Not Looking! (P.S. Thanks, Mom, for not being in the latter category).

I just don't want to see Maddie on an episode of My Super Sweet 16 in ten years.

At the same time, I've been trying to take Maddie out more. We spend a lot of time together at home over the summer, but much of my time is spent taking care of the house, running errands, sleeping in after a late night at work, etc., and Maddie has to direct her own activities for large chunks of time in the mornings. I don't often sit down to play a game with her, read stories, etc. - at least, not as much as I feel I should. So I've been working on the Fun part of our relationship as well. Thought you might like some pictures.

At the library with Ava, watching a children's musician perform.

At the HiFi Cafe, Girls' Lunch Out.

At the wading pool across the street from our house, gettin' some rays.

First trip this year to Harrington Beach - it came too late in the season, and will hopefully be revisited soon.

Honey Pie, trying desperately to enjoy some relative peace while playing lifeguard.
Don'tcha just wanna smooch him?

Posted by stephanie at July 28, 2006 10:06 AM