There are several problems with trying to predict the future. 1) We can't, really. 2) If we try to, we're really just gearing up for what we think are the likely possibilities - not actually predicting them with any sort of accuracy - and in the gearing up, we may inadvertently make one or several of those possibilities probable. And here's a question: If you're aware that one particular possibility is something you'd rather not experience, is it cynical to try to do something that will steer your path away from that potentiality? To maneuver oneself toward the circumstances one would like? Or is that simply called the pursuit of happiness?
In other words, if your eyes are telling you there's a broken stoplight ahead and your gut is telling you that your car is about to be impacted by crossroads traffic, do you brace yourself? Try to redirect yourself out of harm's way? Or do you simply hit the fucking brakes and take deep breaths until the moment of danger has passed.
All of this has everything to do with Free Will. My problem lies in the fact that I'm not so sure if I believe in it. We may do what we will, yes, but can we will what we will? I don't think so.
Don't think of an elephant!
See what I mean?
So that pretty much chucks the whole idea out the window. What makes the most sense to me - and brings me some kind of peace, some kind of cushion against losing my mind - is this: We live in circumstances that are mostly unchosen by us, and are shaped and molded throughout our lives by circumstances we may be able to influence but ultimately can't control. The question of morality is solved by the following: Even if Free Will doesn't exist, we should behave as though it does, because while human beings can't control everything that happens in our lives and can survive without that control, the illusion of control is what makes us happy.
Wait a second. No control. Sitting around waiting for things to unfold. Sounds familiar. Limbo, yes?
Score: God: 1, Humanity: 0.
All that said, there is a difference between fearing something (acting from your fear and therefore increasing the likelihood of its occurrence), and knowing something from prior experience and wanting to avoid that something's recurrence. Some of our fears exist for a reason: they help us survive. The last time I put my hand on the stove burner - hey, wow! It BURNED me. Is there a chance I won't get the same result next time? Sure. Maybe I don't leave my hand there long enough to burn, or I could unknowingly - briefly, seamlessly - slip through some loophole in the space-time continuum and - for a fraction of a second - exist in some realm exactly like this one in terms of my subjective place in space and time with the exception that, in this new, momentary realm, fire+hand=no reaction whatsoever... but have you ever slipped through a loophole? Okay, maybe you have. And maybe that time I knocked myself unconscious on my bicycle as a kid and woke up floating by the ceiling watching my body on the couch twelve feet away being consoled by my mother - look! there I am! I'm on the couch! there's my mom! I'm okay! hey, wait a minute... - was a loophole. Or maybe I was just fucked up.
That's a good example, actually. In that moment, right before my bicycle tipped over, I hit the brakes and turned the wheel. And I wound up floating by the ceiling, staring at myself from outside by body. Which was kind of cool, but left me with a giant fucking headache once I got back inside the space of my head securely enough to feel what was going on in there.
So, combination brake+attempted steering=bad.
Just brakes, maybe?
Turn without slowing down?
Or is it predetermined that I'm gonna fall on my head either way. In that case, shouldn't I just do my best to enjoy where I am for the time being, cruising along on my bicycle, enjoying the rays of the sun and the wind on my face, without too much speculation on my impending doom?
That, and pray for a loophole.
God grant us the serenity, the courage, the wisdom. Really, I'd settle for the serenity for now.
One shaky little step at a time.
It would seem that Trace and I are thinking the same thing re: blogs these days. There's so much to DO this summer! Why waste time on my computer? But as soon as I say I'm taking an official break from the blog, something amazing (or catastrophic, or amazingly catastrophic) will happen that I just can't resist babbling about...
The fam was here, notably my Uncle Kevin from San Francisco, whose company is always both soothing and amusing. Greg and I went to Door County, then to Rockford. Maddie left for a week to go up north with her dad's dad and stepmom ("I CAUGHT A 16-POUND NORTHERN!" "Kid, I wouldn't know a Northern if it bit me in the ass, but... Sounds impressive. Good job.")...
Greg went to the doctor (voluntarily!) for an annual (HA - what's the word for "every fifteen years"?) to make sure he's not dying (he's not) and that his general health is looking good (it is). I aced the nursing program entrance exam; got a call yesterday saying they might waive the interview process since my score was so high (breathing on the knuckles, polishing them on shirt (does anyone really DO that?)).
And, dude, I TOTALLY would've won the fifty grand on "Singing Bee" last night. "Bohemian Rhapsody"? Is there an American out there over age 10 who doesn't know the words? Sheesh.